Gratitude and Loss

2016 has been a dreadful year for our family but I've been grateful for every moment. On March 4th we said goodbye to my husband's 94 year old grandmother, Jeanne Armand.  She was an incredible lady, born in France, she was a talented seamstress who lived through the horrors of WWII, she gave birth to 2 children, Jeannine and Roland, she lost Roland to cancer when he was 21. She was married to the same man for 70 years until his passing at the age of 95. I remember that she had my work schedule memorized and knew I had Tuesday off so she would call me. As she got older she would forget that I didn't speak Alsatian but that was ok. 94 is a life well lived. 

Jeanne second from the right between my two boys, my Mother-in-law Jeannine on the left. 

On March 30th we lost my older brother Antonio Antunez, he lived a lonely life, he never married and struggled with addictions, we lived in different countries and it had been more than 25 years since I last saw him but I loved him, he was always kind to me when were children. 

On June 7th this year we lost my nephew, Nick. Nick had been born premature and was disabled his entire life. He never experienced all the milestones that other children experience but he was a teacher to all who knew him, because we served him, we learned to love him unconditionally. His body may have been disabled but his spirit was valiant. He wasn't expected to live 5 days, he lived 21 years, what a fighter. 

Yesterday at 11:15pm we lost a man that I have considered my father for more than 25 years. J.M. Moore, my father-in-law. Our family patriarch he had just turned 90 last week.  He was always there with a kind word, loving support, humor, and good advice. My favorite visits with him were the times he would just talk, he was knowledgeable on a variety of subjects and I wanted to soak up every minute. Every now and then, he would send me books or articles that he thought I would enjoy. He always addressed the envelopes with funny names for me. He loved his grandchildren and always let them know how proud he was of them. He taught our eldest son not just his first word but an entire sentence at age 9 months, "peek boo boo, I see you".  He and my Mother-in-law were married 50 years, everything he did was with her in mind. Their marriage was such a wonderful example to all of us. Every time I saw him he made a point of telling me how happy he was that I joined his family and how much he loved me. I felt the same way about him. 

Typical pose with his finger in his nose. 

One last hug with my son Cameron as he leaves to start his mission for our church.

So much loss, so much pain for those left behind. One of the most painful things I believe about the death of loved ones is that while our world stops, the world spins on, everyone else goes about their business and we try to make sense of it all. But even with all this loss, I'm grateful for the lives of these family members. What a privilege to know them and walk with them on our brief journey here and how joyous the reunion to come. I'm grateful for the atoning sacrifice of Jesus Christ who conquered death so that we may all live again, free from the pain and the suffering of this world. What a loving God we have who knows each and everyone of us and loves us. He gives us exactly what we need if we would just humble ourselves and ask. He has made us of the stuff of eternity, although our separations when they happen here are wrenching to us, He has given us His promise that if we are obedient to His commandments and endure to the end we will be together again for eternity and there will be no more endings, just beginnings, joyous beginnings. 

So instead of goodbye, I'll just say goodnight to Jeanne, Antonio, Nick, and Dad, I'll see you in the morning. Love you, sleep well. 

Terri